Born and raised in a traditional family, I never thought that I would make decisions in life where I had to start the life all over again at this stage when most girls of my age are either married or have a stable career. I never had had the former stage, whereas, I did have a stable rather very flourishing career back in Pakistan. I was a broadcast journalist and doing extremely well while working with Geo Television and for a brief period with Pakistan Television Network. Both these jobs were quite lucrative, and above all it was my passion. But, then I decided to leave that life which was smooth, yet, filled with challenges to start a new journey in a foreign land, and what we call a dreamland-the US.
This was my second visit to the US prior to that I had visited the country in 2011 on the Hubert H. Humphrey Fellowship. That fellowship itself was a dream coming true. Before coming to the US, I have never traveled outside of Pakistan. However, I had some basic understanding of the US regarding some famous places, culture and food based on my knowledge, which was limited considering the fact that its a big country consisting of various cultures. Nonetheless, I had no fantasy about anything. I would owe the reason to the fact that I am very realistic person, and I have worked hard for everything in my life. When its a time to enjoy the fruits, I would always look into the future that where this path would take me to. I know I sound weird, but thats how I am. I think a lot, and thats what keeps me motivated too. My stay in 2011 in the US was for a year, and then I went back to Pakistan. The second time I came to the US was in 2013, its going to be three years in this August.
I dont know whether to call it fortune or a misfortune, I had a brother living in Beaumont, California, and I had stayed with him for two years. Beaumont is a small town full of friendly people, yet with no work opportunities. Los Angeles is approximately 80-90 miles far. In order to find a better job, you have to either live in LA or Riverside…driving to both of these places has always been a nightmare for me. Another feature of living in CA is the cost from housing to gas to food…its really expensive. Having the seven years of experience in journalism, I couldn’t figure out the way to find a job in any media outlet which would be a challenge for any Asian journalist who is not born here . To draw an analogy to that, once I had visited a channel in the Palm Springs..the director news told me: ” You have a British accent.” What he wanted to imply that people here are not interested to watch me speak in my thick British accent.
My experience, and expertise as a broadcast journalist seemed to not fit well in the US, thats what I had realized that time. I had to work in order to keep moving in life. Morongo Casino was just 10-miles from the place where I was living, I applied and I found a job. I am not judgmental when I say that working in the casino was my last priority, its just that I never thought of working in a place which was so new to me in all ways. It was a big cultural shock for me. Dealing with the people of different ethnicities itself was a challenge, especially when they don’t understand or speak the language. The other part was the attitude of the players, which mostly was maddening and furious when they were losing a big amount of money.
However, I must say that I have met some nicest people while working there. From coworkers to the players, and within a year time, I got promoted to a highly paid job. I started enjoying the work, despite having bad days, and some nerve-wrecking incidents, it became just like a family. At the same time, the things were not going smoothly in the family circle. It got worse in the start of this year in the last week of January..when one day, I reached home from work, and my sister in law asked me to find place for myself. What I am sharing here, is certainly hard for me to do. But as a journalist, I think the facts should be made clear, and the story has to be vivid in order to understand that how, culturally, we assume that certain things can never happen, but when they do, then your life enters into a stage; where you question the cultural values you were taught can never be false.
I am the youngest of all six siblings, all of my family is in Pakistan, and I just had one brother living here. It was the biggest cultural shock to me more than the one working in a casino to hear that I had to leave his house. For casino, its just the name that rings bell, otherwise, thats the place where people after the completion of their education can make a decent career using the communication, PR, and many other concerned skills. Both my brother and sister in law knew about my work in Pakistan. They also knew that I came to the US two times on my own efforts. I didn’t understand the reason of such a behavior. Especially in our culture, where the sisters are the responsibility of the brothers, period.
I relentlessly started to look for a room afterwards. My coworkers offered me to stay with them. Few acquaintances from Pakistan offered me a place to live as well. I am very thankful to all of them for showing concern. Again thats our culture, and the human values too.
Amidst of all, my closest friend in AZ, Sandi had sent me an air ticket to visit them in February. It was during that time she helped me finding a job. She couldn’t withstand my frustration and depression. It happened in the month of February. She asked me to wind up the things , and come to AZ in April. God showed His hand one more time. When your own family deserts you, He never forsakes you. In all this phase, I also realized that how important it is for the parents to make their daughters strong. I am blessed to have been raised by inspirational parents. They have always trusted me. Thats the purpose of sharing my story here. I know most of you would say its a family stuff. But, at the same time when we keep such stories to ourselves then how can we solve the problems. These stereotypes have to be broken some day. We should make our daughters and sisters strong. Let them rely on no one. I have a strong connection with my family back in Pakistan. I love my siblings to death. But, what choice you are left with when you are told that you have to leave their place. Then comes your personality and the strength to overcome such fears.
I am now living in AZ, living a very happy and stress-free life. I have done journalism in Pakistan, but have never gone through the amount of stress that I have had in last one year. If you come across such a situation, just walk away. Know that God is there, trust in Him, and He will make paths for you. I am so thankful for God’s love and for His hand over me. I am thankful for Al and Sandi and for their unconditional love and support. I am thankful for my mother and family in Pakistan for always trusting me.
Be yourself.
Lubna Thomas Benjamin 